An example of hate we get for having a large family (from an email I just received)

 

 

Large families get a lot of stick.

A lot of stick.

And remember I got upset about the portrayal of us in the original ”15 Kids and Counting’?  It’s because of emails like the one I just got.

This one.

I have just read an article about you in the Daily Mail.  It is not possible for YOU to look after 12 children it is only possible by stealing the childhood of the older siblings and making them carers.  Is this one of the reasons you deny them schooling, because you need their help.  I also read that you have no qualifications so you are depriving your children of a proper education,  what chance will they have in the future to secure jobs and contribute to society.  You also risk your life with each pregnancy, even though your are a bad mother, you are better than no mother.  Look at your children and do what is best for them, not what you want, stop being so selfish.  Also don’t you think the Earths population is enough, it is a good job everyone doesn’t want 12 children like you.  I am a mother of 4 children and I never even asked them to wash a dish I did everything for them myself.  They are now hard working married adults and are brilliant parents themselves.
Linda Lewis.

 

And here is my reply:

 

Hello Linda,

Thank you for your email.
I do have qualifications – several in fact.  Actually, I was studying law and business studies when I decided to be the primary carer for my own children, not wanting to palm them off onto others.
Our oldest two are working one is training to be an insurance broker and the other currently on night shifts and beginning their new job (also in insurance) after Christmas – oh, and both paying taxes, wouldn’t you know.  Our 13 year old is doing her GCSEs a year early, such is her educational standard. All three are busy with their own work/studies/lives to be raising our other children which is the reason my husband and I raise them.
My life has not been nor has ever been at risk.  I have spoken in depth about the editing of ’15 Kids and Counting’ from which you seem to have got your authoritative information, on the website.  I suggest you read it.
I note you have stated that you have four children, who are all parents themselves.  Clearly you hold the opinion that it is only my family who you think is contributing to this ‘overpopulation’ issue?
I have addressed the overpopulation myth on the website and also in our book Larger Family Life, in which I have shown a breakdown and calculations proving that the entire world’s population can fit into Wales.  Therefore you have demonstrated your ignorance by expressing such a selective opinion on an already flawed argument.
Thank you for your email (despite it being poorly written) and your concerns and I hope I have reassured you that the vitriol and unfounded hatred that you have decided to direct toward me is at best unreasonable, and quite honestly simply nasty and vindictive.
Regards,
Tania

 

11 thoughts on “An example of hate we get for having a large family (from an email I just received)

  1. What a nasty woman to send an email to someone she does not know and clearly does not know much about! If she had taken time to read this blog she could have gotten her answers herself!
    Love your reply Tania!! Ignore the haters! Xx

    1. I should also have mentioned how raising four children to adulthood without learning to raise a finger has added a bunch of lazy adults into the narcissistic ‘the-world-owes-me’ society we now have.

      My children, whilst not raising their siblings, still have learnt that nothing comes for nothing, and that there is nothing wrong with hard work. They also learn that family pulls together and everyone who is part of a home has a responsibility to keep that home running – be it by putting away toys or by washing a dish. And they aren’t any worse off for not expecting everything to be done for them and handed to them on a plate.

      1. Exactly! By raising her children that way, she has created spoilt brats! At least your children have a work ethic from a young age and know that everyone has to pull their weight in life. You’re doing a great job Tania (and Mike)

  2. Nice reply, don’t know how you kept calm to be honest. However, did it really merit a reply. It has received far more interest than it deserves. That kind of person really just needs ignoring. Keep on just as you are 🙂

  3. What a wonderful reply you wrote Tanya. I am shocked that you received such a horrible email from a mother of 4! In this day and age 4 is a quite a large family too and no doubt her grown up children who are parents themselves are thoroughly enjoying their time with their siblings, neices and nephews – just as your family do and will. I honestly thought the woman was going to say she had no kids or 1. I’m flabbergasted by her reasoning. Finally as an only child myself who has recently lost her father to cancer and who’s mum is also fighting cancer, I would do ANYTHING to have a sibling to share the burdens as well as the joys. I have 3 little ones, and God willing, as many more as He sees fit. With my parents they were unable to have more which I understand is different but for people who “choose” to have 1 child they should realise they are placing the loneliest times in adulthood on that child. Have a good Christmas x

  4. What a nesty vindictive email to have been sent, it just proved how ‘drip fed’ this society is.
    This is very, very sad!!
    If you are getting stick despite how hard both you and mike work there is no hope for the rest of us, dont get me wrong DH and I both work very hard to raise our 5 (nearly 6) but you have 12 and make it look easy, you are organised, available to them always and plan thier education with care and attention. I could never in a million years be as organised as you, i think you are amazing.
    The reason people feel such bad feelings towards large families is because seeing you do so well makes them probably wish they had had more and the realisation hits them that they were inadequate as parents and could have done better.
    Women I find are the worst at this, always making snide remarks or comments then trying to gloss them over as a joke.
    I let it go now mostly as ild be forever defending my choices if i took offence.
    Its funny how racism, sizism, sexism, religioism etc is all seen to be offensive but its ok to voice LOUDLY a dislike of a certain type of family. I find it all the same really.

  5. What I really don’t get is how people being so nasty makes them feel like they are the better person. I hope the nice e-mail you get far outweighs the bad.

  6. Glad you responded…I think the writer needs to get down off her high horse ..I would have loved to have had a big family, it was always my dream but as it was I had infertility problems and was extremely lucky to have my miracle son.

    I think you are doing a fabulous job as a Mum and should be proud that your children are growing up and doing you proud. We were also brought up to help out as we grew up and there were only 3 of us which in the 70’s was probably about average. Now both my brothers are quite capable of running the house and I left home at 17 and had my own house at 20, so it certainly did me no harm!

    Pregnancy nowadays is rarely a ‘high risk’ condition and if it had been for you then you would have acted accordingly but if you have low risk pregnancies then why shouldn’t you have a big family? What right does anyone else have to judge your decision?

    Happy New Year!

  7. Wow! It’s quite humorous how people spout off such ignorance when it comes to the topic of large families. I’m glad you pointed out how poorly written this women’s email was. If one is going to cast insults, at least sound intelligent. lol

    It’s also humorous that people STILL think the earth is overpopulated!

    As a mom of 10, I just want to say…. GO Tania!!!!! 🙂

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