I’ve spent the last few days and nights nursing sick children. Though the nights have been shared with Mike it’s still very tiring. I hope that they all recover very soon. Like most mums, I don’t like it when my children are ill, especially when they are too young to let you know what’s wrong with them.
Add to that the increasing problems with the older two children. Now neither of them are at home. I wish I could turn back the clock to when I was a teenager and knew everything. That’s a story for another day.
I’ve been experiencing the tough side of motherhood lately. The thankless side. The down but not yet out side. The side when I’ve constantly been questioning what I’ve done wrong, what I should have done, who I should have trusted, what I should do now.
I don’t like feeling like this.
So it was good timing when I received this from a friend.
And I’d like to pass it on to all the other mothers who are dealing with the tougher days.
And all the mothers that aren’t 🙂
The Invisible Mom
It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I’m on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I’m thinking, ‘Can’t you see I’m on the phone?’ Obviously not; no one can see if I’m on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I’m invisible. The invisible Mom.
Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?
Some days I’m not a pair of hands; I’m not even a human being. I’m a clock to ask, ‘What time is it?’ I’m a satellite guide to answer, ‘What number is the Disney Channel?’ I’m a car to order, ‘Right around 5:30, please.’
I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude – but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She’s going, she’s going, she’s gone!
One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a hair clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, ‘I brought you this.’ It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn’t exactly sure why she’d given it to me until I read her inscription: ‘To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.’
In the days ahead I would read – no, devour – the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals – we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. T hey made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.
A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, ‘Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.’ And the workman replied, ‘Because God sees.’
I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, ‘I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you’ve done, no sequin you’ve sewn on, no cupcake you’ve baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can’t see right now what it will become.’
At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.
When I really think about it, I don’t want my son to tell the friend he’s bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, ‘My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.’ That would mean I’d built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, ‘You’re gonna love it there.’
As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we’re doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.
Wow! Thanks for such an inspiring article!
SITS sent me over. Have a nice day!
WOW! Thank you so much for sharing this! I have goosebumps on my arms and a shiver down my spine! So glad that you could be reminded just how important you are! Because YOU ARE!
That's beautiful!
Your exactly right! As unglamourous and tiring as motherhood can be… and although we hate to admit how often we say to ourselves "Why are we doing this?" God sees and knows the overall plan… and our job (just like that of the builders) is to shape, and shepherd our childrens hearts! It may not seem it all the time but our somewhat pitifal lives are making a huge ripple in the future! 🙂 Great post!
I just looked at my 6yo and told him I love him. He told me he loved me too. I thought to myself about how nice it is when they are young and have not yet reached that "know it all" stage! I have four teens right now, and exactly one year and nine months I'll have five! LOL
I am doing what I can to prepare immortal beings to worship God for eternity. If I can keep that in mind, I can keep from going COMPLETELY crazy!
It sort of puts things in perspective, doesn't it? I hope everyone is feeling up to par soon.
~ Yaya
Yaya's Home
Thank you for sharing this! It was a beautiful story and one to remember, especially when we feel unnoticed!
Thank you also for stopping by and helping me celebrate my SITS day!!
That's a beautiful story and a timely reminder especially during the busyness of Christmas preparations etc
Thank you for sharing xx
Thank you so much, i really needed that!
It reminds me of when a friend of mine commented on me being so paitient all the time, always having time to answer my kids, or husband, or anyone else who calls mine name, with a "yes".
She said that one day she imagines that she will see me sitting in a straight jacket in a mental hospital just continuely saying "Yes"!
Only jocking.
JA