Some say that bigger is better. Others believe that smaller is more manageable. What is the truth behind the theories and why do some women prefer one to the other?
A recent thread over on our pregnancy forum began the discussion, so I thought I’d bring it out here for your opinion.
So you tell me – bigger or smaller? What age gap between kids do you prefer?
Listing the age gaps between our children we can see the pattern is as follows:
- Between Child 1 and Child 2: 14 months
- Between Child 2 and Child 3: 5yrs 4 months (3 miscarriages in between)
- Between Child 3 and Child 4: 3 years 6 months (2 miscarriages in between)
- Between Child 4 and Child 5: 22 months (1 miscarriage in between)
- Between Child 5 and Child 6: 10 and a half months
- Between Child 6 and Child 7: 18 months
- Between Child 7 and Child 8: 23 months (2 miscarriages in between)
- Between Child 8 and Child 9: 15 months
- Between Child 9 and Child 10: 13 months
- Between Child 10 and Child 11: 1 minute (they were twins!)
- Between Child 11 and Child 12: 13 months
All being well, there should be an age gap of 15 months between Child 12 and Child 13.
You can see that there are plenty of small gaps there. The smallest one is between the twins (of course), followed by the gap of less than a year between Children 5 and 6 who, although are not twins, share the same age for eight days of the year.
We also have quite a big gap of over 5 years between Children 2 and 3. Having had both smaller and bigger gaps between children, my personal preference is for smaller gaps.
I see how, when children are closer in age, they have more in common. The chasm between ability and understanding can be so large between three or four years difference in age that it can result in them having less in common – at least through the younger years. With smaller gaps these differences are less of an issue, allowing them to grow and learn and develop at a more adjacent rate. This in turn provides a natural support to them as they develop, uniformly and instinctively.
It also makes things like family days out easier to deal with. An event or activity for a ten-year-old isn’t always suitable for meeting the needs of a five-year-old, for example. It’s not such an issue if you have children in between the two ages which bridges the gap quite adequately, but I do remember finding it somewhat difficult trying to meet the needs of the two older children at nine and ten-years-old, along with the needs of our then three-and-a-half-year-old on these occasions.
Do you have larger age gaps, smaller ones or a mixture of the two? Bigger or smaller – which do you prefer and why?
When it comes to size, does it really matter? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.
I have to agree with you and prefer the smaller gaps. It is harder to start with, but I find it gets easier as they do have so much in common that they are happy playing together.
My age gaps are:
Between Child 1 and Child 2 – 17months
Between Child 2 and Child 3 – 3yrs 8months (2 miscarriages inbetween)
Between Child 3 and Child 4 – 22.5 months
I really struggled with the bigger gap and Child 3 so wants to play with child 2 (they’re both girls) – but with the age gap, Child 2 is reluctant to play “baby” games with her sister but doesn’t want her joining in with her “older” games.
Thankfully Child 4 is now at the age where he is on the move, so Child 3 plays with him a lot.
I agree small gaps between is lovely. My eldest two have less
than a year gap (same age for 11days). I then had a large gap,
5years, between 2nd and 3rd. This was a wonderful surprise!
However as there was such a gap we decided to have a 4th
child soon after (just under 2 years) as we didn’t want 3rd child
to have no similar age sibling to grow up with. With small gaps
children have a playmate/companion to grow with and they also
learn to share from a very young age!
Bigger age gaps work best for me. I find an older child understands more that if u need to feed the baby ect it doesn’t mean that you don’t want to play just that they may have to wait 5 mins. Also I have found there is less jealousy but that’d just me and mine sure it differs family to family. X
I enjoy the smaller age gap in between children it helps with activities an I believe they get along much better than children with larger age gaps.
Here are our age gaps
Between child 1 and child 2- 3 yes 5 months
Between child 2 and child 3- 17 months
Between child 3 and child 4- 14 months
Between child 4 and child 5- 20 months
Between child 5 and child 6- 13 months
Between child 6 and child 7- 12 months 18 days
Between child 7 and child 8- 27 months
Between child 8 and child 9- 15 months
As you can see I have had both but I prefer the smaller because there is an age difference between our oldest daughter whom is 9 an second daughter is 5 so they do not play or get along well but child number 6&7 are both girls an are 12 months apart an get along just great.
Between child 1 and 2 – 13 months
Between child 2 and 3 (due in 8 weeks) 4 years with 1 miscarriage in between.
I love the strong bond my first 2 children have being so close in age and we fully intend to try for another baby as soon number 3 is here.
Had 22 months, then 26 months then…unfortunately 3 years due to a miscarriage @ 16 weeks. :o(
I think one of the hardest things about loosing our 4th was that age gap widening. :o(