Becoming a dad the second time around

Today’s guest poster is Tom Briggs.

Tom has been sharing his bewildered musings about being a dad since the arrival of his son Dylan in 2010. His blog, Diary of the Dad, won a MAD Blog Award in 2011 and he is still in shock. You can read Tom’s blog at www.diaryofthedad.co.uk but do you have any words of wisdom to share with him in the meantime?

In around two months’ time, my world is going to be turned upside down – I’m becoming a dad. Again. My wife, Kate, is presently at the nice stage where the morning sickness is a distant memory and she is being rewarded for being a trooper with plenty of kicks before our second son gets too big and makes her feel uncomfortable again. Naturally, I am delighted that we will soon be welcoming another member of the family and I can’t wait to meet him, but it feels even stranger this time round.

Since we found out that baby number two is on the way, I think it’s fair to say that I have gone through some quite different thought processes. At first, of course, I was ecstatic and continue to be. It’s wonderful news, after all. Then I was remarkably blasé about the whole thing – well, I’ve been there, seen it, done it and had plenty of breast milk regurgitated on the proverbial T-shirt. Having Christmas round about the halfway point of our pregnancy – can I say ‘our pregnancy’? Oh well, I just did – was useful in that it gave us both something else to distract from the normal worries that all expectant parents have. Once the festivities were out the way, however, my thinking changed. To blind panic.

I thought it was surreal enough when we were expecting our first child, Dylan, but knowing that there is the potential dynamic of sibling rivalry thrown into the equation this time is playing a little on my mind. Dylan is a wonderful little lad who loves other children, but none of them have, in his mind, been rivals for our affection. Then there’s the fact that we don’t know how much he understands. He is 18 months old and not really talking yet. He does understand plenty of words and gestures, but it’s difficult to say how aware he is of what that bump in Mummy’s tummy is all about. It’s going to be interesting, challenging and, I imagine, emotionally draining. Of course, we have a few strategies up our sleeves – Dylan and his little brother are going to get presents from each other and we’re going to make sure that the new arrival will be in his cot rather than Kate’s arms when Dylan meets him in hospital, for example.

Another thing that has been concerning me is that I seem to have forgotten a lot about the early days. I wrote a blog post about this recently and had people reassure me that it all comes back – I really hope they’re right! Then there is the knowledge that second babies often arrive after shorter labours. I work out in the sticks and don’t drive – I rely on a train and the work minibus – and the thought of missing the birth terrifies me. It takes me at least an hour and a half to get home if I have to leave the office at an unscheduled time and that depends on a sporadic local bus and Southern Rail doing what it seems to do best when you have to be somewhere.

I’m sure it’ll all be fine though – we experienced some similar anxieties last time and had the added stress of moving house just a month before Dylan arrived – and everything worked out then. Wish me luck!  

Would you like to share a story or offer advice?  Click here to find out how you can write a guest post for Larger Family Life.