1. Kids will not want to play with something until somebody else wants to play with it. Once it is is someone elses possession it is important that they have it and have it right now.
2. Kids can argue over anything. There is no limit to this talent. An elastic band, a fluffball on the carpet or a frozen pea which has freed itself from the freezer and tried hiding under the fridge. Nothing is exempt. (Please note: I do not have stray elastic bands, or fluffballs or stray bits of food on my floors. Sometimes).
3. Kids will not want to converse with you until the telephone rings. The moment you need to speak with someone else they need to talk to you about something very important. Right now.
4. Kids will not need you for anything until you need to use the bathroom. As if yelling from the other side of the closed door isn’t enough to alert you to the impending alien invasion/nuclear war/travesty at “x” breathing their air or other such emergency, they’ll further alert you to the seriousness of the situation by sticking their fingers under the door.
5. Kids have a fashion code all of their own. So what if you don’t think a fishing hat and ski pants match? If that ensemble were on the Milan catwalk it would be a hit and selling for thousands. Ask fashion designers how many of them were inspired by holding a workshop where preschoolers were invited to choose their own outfits? My guess, after seeing their creations, is “most of them”.
6. Never start a sentence with “How many times do I have to tell you…?”. Kids have no limits.
7. Kids will always tell you they want to be creative… after you’ve done the tidying and hoovered. It’s the law that no room can stay tidy for more then five minutes otherwise it will explode. This is why the scissors, drawing stuff and toys all come out as soon as you’ve packed away the duster. Do you notice daily news reports of houses where children reside blowing up after a spring clean? No? That’s because kids know it’s dangerous and it’s the law for them to make sure we are all safe. Now you know.
8. Kids will always come down with a bug or catch a cold a day or two before a holiday or other important event.
9. Buy your child the correct sized clothes and they’ll outgrow them in a matter of weeks. Buy them something to grow into and they’ll be walking around looking like urchins for months.
10. Kids always look more adorable when they’re asleep. That’s to make you forget all the tough parts you faced with them today, and look forward to the good bits coming tomorrow.