The world within

Just over a month ago, on July 1st, Mike, the children and I went along to Apeekaboo Imaging for a 4d scan.

At £150 it’s not cheap! Especially when everything is breaking down and going wrong and the finances are taking a battering. But still, given that we’d resisted so far it was something we wanted to do this time.

We thought we knew what to expect. We’d seen the pictures on the internet and leaflets.

“We’ll see our baby more clearly than we would on a regular scan.”

That’s about it, really.

Really?

No.

Not just that.

It was so much more than that. The window into a whole other world was opened up in a way we’d never experienced before and we were all amazed and watching in awe at what would happen next. To say it was magical would sound so unreal, so extreme and dramatic even. But it was… magical!

I’ve experienced many pregnancies. This is my ninth successful (God willing, may it continue to be), plus eight losses. I know how lucky I am to be able to carry a child. It never ceases to amaze me how something so perfect can be created in secret within my body. But during pregnancy, though I attend the routine scans and midwifery appointments and listen in on the heartbeat and know that there’s a baby growing in there, it’s kind of forgotten in everyday life in many ways.

Of course, I don’t forget I’m pregnant now that I’m bigger but certainly during the middle part, the part whereby the sickness had worn off but before there was any visible baby belly, there was a stage of “Am I really pregnant? Is everything ok?”.

How can I explain what I want to say?

It’s like you know there’s a baby in there but to realise there’s actually a baby in there.

I never gave thought to what it was doing, apart from growing and kicking and occasionally getting some kind of body part digging awkwardly into my ribs. A real baby doing real baby things! The same things it’s going to do when it’s born.

To watch it all happening before your eyes is so surreal.

So amazing.

So magical.

So humbling.

Getting a little squashed perhaps?

It’s not wind! The baby is really smiling!

Get your finger away from your nose!
Getting comfy…

Frowning…
Trying to find a hand to chew on…
See?
Amazing.
I was 27 weeks pregnant exactly on the day these pictures were taken.    It was around the time a report came out stating that a 24 week old foetus baby cannot feel pain.  Stated not as opinion but as fact. 
I didn’t believe that for a minute.
My belief was strengthened as soon as I was witness to the world within.
And one of my favourite verses sticks in my head.
Jeremiah 1:5 “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you…”
Because, God knows, there is no way in the world I’d be able to create something so wondrously perfect myself, when half the time, I don’t even know what’s going on in there, let alone be able to make it happen.

3 thoughts on “The world within

  1. Waaaaaaa, Oh my gosh those scans are unbelievable, I cried!!! Of course I am 29 weeks myself so a little more emotional then most times maybe. I have never seen anything like that before, The detail is amazing and adorable, I can't even put it in words lol. I love the jeremiah quote too, We have decided on Jeremiah Thomas on a name. I will have a JT to go with my JJ and JD lol. Wow this is #7 for me and I am amazed at how amazed I still get!!! Good luck hun to both of us, Michelle

  2. Those are amazing!!! I could hardly believe it. And, wow you must be a very strong woman to endure 8 losses! Congratulations on your new little one.

  3. beautiful. awesome. humbling. i feel the same way. I believe in god because i know there is no way i could ever create that alone!

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