This week has been a bit of, well, not really a struggle, but not really an anything week. I know that doesn’t make sense at all.
I guess I’m still feeling disheartened with the slow pace of loss lately. I should view a regular 1lb loss a week with great positivity but I really wished I could have lost at least another half a stone by this stage.
With the Big Baptism looming near, Stephanie and I went shopping to find an outfit to wear. I’m not a shopper. I don’t like going shopping. I don’t understand how people can shop for hours and think it’s fun. It’s really not my idea of a good time. I’d have more fun pulling each strand of hair on my head out with tweezers.
I started out with a low self esteem and feeling horrid about myself before I even got to the stores. I was swiftly reminded that nothing makes you feel more self conscious than having to try on clothes in a store fitting room.
Whatever I tried on made me look frumpy. I felt awful. Absolutely dreadful. I felt ashamed, embarrassed and ugly. Looking in the mirror I saw someone looking back who should have been a good twenty years older than me. I left the store disheartened and deeply sad, and text Mike.
“I’m hugely fat.”.
I found an outfit in the end. I’m still not sure whether I’ll wear the skirt I bought, or if I’ll plump for the new top with a pair of trousers. My mum says I can’t wear my black trousers for such an occasion. I’d feel more comfortable if I did. I’d feel more on show wearing the skirt for two reasons. The first being that I don’t wear skirts at all any more. The second being that it would draw attention to my hugeness. And how awful I look and feel. Oh, and another reason being that I have horrible legs. So that makes three reasons actually.
I didn’t track my foods this week but still made sure I stuck well within my Points allowance. I’ve been on this long enough to be able to work out how many Points certain foods or meals are now that I eat regularly so it was simple to keep a record in my head of how many Points I’d consumed each day.
I haven’t yet started back on the Wii, purely because I haven’t made the time for it. It’s a little harder now because schooling is back on and so there are fewer hours in the day compared to the holidays.
Finally, I’ll report with my loss for the week which is another pound.
Yes, I should be happy that it’s in the right direction.
I should be.
I’ll work on being more positive and get rid of the self pity.