4 Signs that Your Marriage Can’t be Saved

Too many couples these days find themselves unable to keep their wedding vows of “till death do us part”. Problems are part of life that can’t be avoided.

Couples and families are no different. It is normal to have issues from time to time. It requires a lot of effort to try to resolve problems before they fester and lead to resentment and anger.

Because divorce can have negative effects on all members of a family, it is wise to try to work through them by opening communication channels and being honest.

However, there will be times when your differences with your spouse are irreconcilable. No matter how hard you try, there are going to be times when separation and divorce are your only options. Staying in a bad marriage can cause harm to ones’ self-esteem and children, if there are any.

Many people think that it is in their best interest to handle a divorce themselves and save money on an attorney. Unless your marriage was very short, there are no children involved, and no assets to consider, it is better to hire a professional.

Divorces can be very complicated and decisions made can affect you for the rest of your life. Also, your emotions might get in the way of your making wise choices.

To make sure you are protecting yourself legally, hiring a professional with the necessary expertise is your best choice.  According to San Antonio Fault Divorce Lawyers:lawyers can spot problems with your case that you would probably overlook. Lawyers can save you endless headaches and likely get you a better result than you would be able to get on your own“.

How do you know if your marriage has reached the point of no return? What are the signs that it might not be able to be saved?


Unable to Resolve Conflicts

To effectively resolve conflicts, both parties must be open to talking about the conflicts and try to find ways to get past them. It helps if they can communicate but even if they can, if one side isn’t willing to give a little, there will still be no resolution.

In some cases, one or both of the spouses gives up and out of despair, doesn’t even want to try. Some people look at conflict like a fight that they want to win. In these situations, it is highly unlikely that the marriage can be saved.



Relationship Behaviors

John Gottman is the founder of Gottman Institute and a psychologist at the University of Washington. He coined the term “four horsemen of the apocalypse” to represent behaviors that are highly predictive of divorce.

Those behaviors are:

  • Defensiveness: This is when one person feels and acts like they are a victim
  • Contempt: If one of the involved parties sees the other as being beneath them and therefore has no respect for that person
  • Criticism: This is similar to contempt and involves looking at something your partner does and feel like it reflects the type of person he or she is.
  • Stonewalling: If couples can’t get past this stage where one party will no longer take part in any conversations, the marriage is headed for divorce.


Verbal or Physical Abuse

This is not even open for discussion. Any types of abuse or violence should never be tolerated under any circumstances.

Physical abuse leaves obvious scars whereas verbal abuse’s scars are not visible. This doesn’t mean it doesn’t cause damage. The damage is insidious and can have long-lasting adverse effects on the abused. If you are the one being abused, leave immediately for the sake of your physical and emotional safety.



Vulnerability and Trust

Healthy marriages are built on trust and being able to open yourself up to your spouse. When you can no longer share your thoughts and innermost feelings with your significant other, the glue that holds a marriage together will no longer be present in your marriage.

Being vulnerable means you trust your partner enough to share your authentic self. When you no longer feel that you can talk about difficult things with your partner, you will become distant over time. In these situations you will lose affection, warmth, and admiration for your partner.

It is very common for spouses to argue and disagree about certain things. This is part of ordinary life. If you try your best to work out issues and problems but still find yourself in an unhealthy or unhappy marriage, it’s best for everyone involved to consider separating or divorcing.


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