I’m not naming you but this is for you (and you’re not going to like it).

I’m finding it difficult to deal with watching someone I love morph into something she isn’t and become a different person to the one she once was.

There seems to be a generation of children, particularly girls, growing up not knowing or seemingly not even caring about their self worth. They’ll say they do, of course.

“Aint nobody gonna treat me badly,” they’ll say with attitude.

Then they’ll go out with body bits hanging out of their clothes , proclaiming that “I can wear what I like! People shouldn’t treat me a certain way because of what I’m wearing or how I’m looking or acting!”.

You’re right.

They shouldn’t.

But they do.

Because if you act a certain way, then people are going to treat you that way.  Act like a princess worthy of riches and you’ll be treated that way.  Act like scum…

Perhaps it’s a generation thing. Did our parents like what we wore or how we wore it? But it’s not just about wearing stuff (or, nowdays, more a case of what they’re not wearing), but why do some kids feel the need to gravitate toward a way of life that as a parent you tried desperately hard for them not to be like?
I find it so sad that young girls don’t know their worth.

And if any of you are reading this defensively arguing that you do, here are some tips for you.

1. Having a new boyfriend every few weeks doesn’t mean you are popular. It means that word is getting around that you are cheap and easy. And no, it doesn’t make any difference if you are with them for a whole two months. You don’t need to flit between boys all the time.

2. If a boy wants to have sex with you it’s only because he wants to have sex with you. It does not mean you are desirable. A boy who is worth anything won’t be expecting you to do anything like that. A decent person is very likely not going to be interested in someone who had been round the track several times or more.

3. It doesn’t matter how “lovely” your latest boyfriend is. Your last one was “lovely” too. And the one before that. Probably the next one will be too.

4. Anyone who refers to you as “biatch”, “ho” or “shlaaag” is not your friend. End of.

5. The way you act will affect the crowds you attract. Act like a chav…

6. The way you talk… see above.

7. Lying is not cool. It doesn’t make people feel sorry for you/like you more/want to help you/want to be your friend. Honesty will do all the above. Keep lying and you’ll get caught out. ALWAYS. Nobody likes a liar.

8. If you claim you don’t lie, you’re lying.

9. What you think is good now, isn’t necessarily for the best in the long run.

10. The easy option isn’t usually the right one. Doing well in life needs hard work. Take the easy road and you’ll be limited forever.

11. Don’t expect other people to owe you anything. Nobody owes anyone anything. Make your own life. Make it good.

12. Want to be independent? Don’t cry to me that you have no money. Go and earn it.

13. When you’ve earned your money, through real work, live within your means. If you can’t afford designer clothes don’t buy them.

14. Real friends cannot be made on a whim. Real friendship takes years to grow.

15. Friends won’t encourage you to do things you shouldn’t be doing.

16. If you are wearing clothes that leave little to the imagination and act like a dog on heat with no scruples, excuse me if I don’t feel sorry for you when you finally realise that letting yourself be used makes you feel like crap.

17. Buck up and sort yourself out.

18. Being a grown up means taking responsibility for yourself. Filling out a social security claim form is not a sign of being a grown up. It’s a sign of immaturity. The world doesn’t owe you anything. Go and re-read numbers 11 and 12.

19. Live without respect for yourself and you won’t glean it from others. If you don’t value yourself, how is anyone else supposed to?

20. And don’t kid yourself that you do respect yourself. Go and re-read the whole list again. That’s who you have become. And none of it is a sign of a person with self respect.

I haven’t pussy footed about with this post. Some things aren’t flowery and sugary and sweetness. I’m not dressing this up.

To “Someone”, yes this is for you.

You’re wrecking your life.

You’re ruining yourself.

Argue all you want that you aren’t. I’m sure you’re doing that right now.

As well as kissing your teeth, and snarling at the screen about how I don’t know anything.

You’ve got brains. You could go really far in life. But you’re wasting your opportunities and you’re creating a persona that isn’t going to do you any favours a year from now, let alone five, ten or fifteen years from now.

The road you’re going down, it’s a slippery slope. And it’s bloody hard to get out of it once you’re on it.

Trust me.

I know.

You can make me proud.

You can redeem yourself.

But only you can do it.

One day you’re going to look back on your life and the things you’ve done and the way you’ve lived.

One of two things will happen.

The best thing that can happen is that you’ll look at the way you became, the things you did, the way you behaved and the way you treated people or used them and you’ll regret it.

The worst thing that can happen is that you’ll look at the way you became, the things you did, the way you behaved and the way you treated people or used them and you won’t regret it.

No regrets doesn’t mean that it’s a good thing.

It just means that you’re still living that way.

I’ve said what I need to say to you as someone who loves you but is despairing of watching you spiral down.

And I don’t care if you do hate me for this post.

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